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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Before we move off this topic,
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can I ask if you're
currently a hologram?
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Yeah, yeah. Hold on. One sec.
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Left a bag of Funyuns
down there last week.
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Didn't want to waste our time.
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Okay. Let's do it. Therapy me.
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- Do you need to take that?
- No. Just the president.
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Maybe we should turn off the phone.
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President of the United States.
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Thought you might think that was cool.
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You like it when people
think you're cool?
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You're extra-analytical today.
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Looking to remodel your kitchen?
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Sanchez, I know you're in there.
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When I call you directly,
it's an emergency.
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I was in therapy. Don't
stigmatize mental health.
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How rude of me. Hello.
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- I'm President Andre Curtis.
- Yes, I recognize you.
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Oh? How nice.
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It's not nice to recognize
a president. Can we go?
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In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated
the Loch Ness Monster
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to Lake Erie and replaced
her bones with titanium.
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She was then bit by several werewolves,
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giving us the ultimate
anti-submarine weapon.
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- Got it.
- But the Soviets smuggled in
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a leprechaun, who turned
Nessie's bones to silver,
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giving her the were-version of AIDS.
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She sank to the bottom, and
we assumed she was dead.
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But she was only asleep.
Now she's awake and hungry.
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- You can't date my shrink.
- What?
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- Bro, you're nuts.
- Then don't date my shrink.
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I'm not dating your shrink.
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She probably doesn't even like me.
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- Stand down, Sanchez.
- Tell him to stand down.
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Would you let him bang your therapist?
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I don't believe in therapy.
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What the hell does that even
mean, you don't believe in it?
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- He's a Scientologist.
- Don't date my shrink!
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And don't be a space Mormon.
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- Why not?
- It's silly.
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Sorry. It's a cheap shot.
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Worship how you want.
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- I like Tom Cruise.
- Thank you.
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- Therapy's working.
- Keep it in your pants.
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
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Ooh. Welcome back to Mr. Stabby.
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Let's get another question
from the audience.
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Ow. Augh.
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Why do people get
tickets to his tapings?
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It's a fame-obsessed culture.
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- Mr. President?
- I got an emergency, Rick.
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Another president mission?
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You just killed the Loch
Ness Monster for him.
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Tell that little bitch to zip it.
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You can't talk to me like that.
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Tell him he can't talk to me like that.
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You can't talk to Morty like that.
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- Whatever.
- I'll portal over.
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I've seen this one anyway.
The audience dies.
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Rick, thanks for coming.
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We've got a situation in
the state of Virginia.
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- Bigfoot?
- That's Montana.
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- Nazis?
- That's, uh... everywhere.
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That's an exaggeration, sir.
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Jesus, Carl. You, too?
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The problem in Virginia is... love.
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You've heard the state motto,
"Virginia is for Lovers"?
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Well, now they've codified it into law.
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Virginia has declared itself literally
and exclusively for lovers.
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- Sounds boring.
- It gets worse.
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There's no crime, no poverty,
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and suspiciously, no complaints.
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The governor just hit
100% approval rating.
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- And that's worse?
- 100%?
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Get on the web, Dwayne.
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There's no such thing
as 100% of anything.
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America knows and incinerates
a cult when it sees one.
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But I can't do that to all of Virginia,
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so we need to infiltrate.
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I volunteer to do acid
to prove I'm not a cop.
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No lone wolves. We need a
crack team for this one.
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Rick, meet Fleeflak.
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He might be able to tell the future.
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- Might?
- We're waiting to find out.
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Onyx here is a weapons specialist,
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and our eye in the sky is my
chief of staff bot, Chi-Chi.
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- Sleek.
- Yes. An excellent team.
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Ah, but there's something missing.
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- A psychology expert, perhaps.
- Oh, fuck me.
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You pretended to need a crack team
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so you could get Wong's number?
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Get her number? I own the CIA.
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If I wanted, I could get her genome.
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So, you wanted what from
me, permission? You got it.
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It's a free country, so
you're always saying.
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That's certainly all
I'd be willing to pay.
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You're making me choose? You or her?
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There's three billion
women on this planet
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that have nothing to do with me.
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Can you blame them?
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- You suck.
- Wait! Danger.
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Wow. That's great, buddy.
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It's going right on the fridge.
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I appreciate your lending your expertise
to this mission, Dr. Wong.
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- Gun?
- No, thank you.
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I was surprised to receive
your call, but excited.
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I haven't done field work
since grad school.
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We think the people of Virginia
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have become some kind
of hippie sex cult.
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I haven't done that since
grad school, either.
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Ho-ho! Dr. Wong, you are a firecracker.
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Sir, we've reached the border.
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- Halt!
- _
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I'm so sorry, Mr. President.
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Virginia is closed to visitors.
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I thought it was for lovers.
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I'm a lover.
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- You guys lovers?
- Mm-hmm.
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I appreciate that,
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but the rest of your country
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doesn't need Virginia's love right now.
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You know, the last time
a state talked that way,
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we had to have a whole thing.
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And?
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And this time, the other side has nukes.
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Let them in.
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Well done, Doctor.
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Call me Helen.
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As you can see, Virginia
has no crime, no poverty.
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- All goods are freely given.
- Communist bastards.
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And all goods are freely made.
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Communist bastards.
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So, what happened? Tell me the secret.
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Well, if I tell you,
you'll tell everyone.
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But if I show you, you won't have to.
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How unsettling and cryptic.
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Oh!
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My God. So, that's it?
You're all just drunk!
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Sir, it's some kind of
body-snatching hive-mind.
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Finally, your religion comes in handy.
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No! My only chance at
meeting Will Smith.
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Pick up your phone, asshole.
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When I call, it's an actual emergency.
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Rick?
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Unity.
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Take it easy. Take it easy.
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I can explain. Just let me
get things under control.
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You controlling things
is the explanation.
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And we agreed you wouldn't
do it where I work.
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What the fuck are you spraying me with?
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A new scent I picked up after you left.
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I call it Separation.
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You concocted a me repellent?
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Does that look like a bad idea?
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Rick, are you in a relationship
with the population of Virginia?
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We dated.
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I just want to talk.
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I'm pretty sure you have
trillions of cellphones.
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No. Come back. Let's talk.
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Thank God you had a crack team with you.
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- Where's Helen?
- Helen?
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She initiated first name.
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Whoa!
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Call in a chopper.
I'm being cock-blocked.
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Rick, it's me.
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I was released from Unity.
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Cool. So, you won't
mind if I spray this.
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Well, I won't, but we're surrounded
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and Unity knows your reload time.
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I really believe you
and Unity should talk.
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How would you know?
You're just a nutritionist.
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When you work in nutritionism
as long as I have,
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you get a certain feel.
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Calm down.
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We came because we're worried about you.
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- Why?
- We hear things, Rick.
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I tried calling, but is it true
you're looking for... him again?
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You almost died last time.
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That's none of your business.
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- You're our business.
- You quit that business.
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And you're fired from that business.
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And I'm using your last paycheque
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to cover the stapler you stole,
which was my heart.
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Civil War, baby.
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Sorry. That was supposed
to be suppressive.
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Aah! Aah! Rick, wait.
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Aah!
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- Thank you, Andre.
- Thank you, Helen.
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It's time to put these bastards on ice.
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- Cue up the dome.
- Yes, sir!
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Ow!
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Do you have a dome the
size of every state?
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You'll need a second
date for that answer.
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Barf.
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A nation in turmoil tonight,
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as the entire state of Virginia
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continues to be trapped
inside an energy dome.
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The White House released a statement
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dismissing the president's shouts
of "Civil War, baby," as hyperbole.
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Shonda, what do we make of that?
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More like "hyper bully," Tom.
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Oh, shit. Shonda came to play.
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This president has been in office
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for how many alien invasions?
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Not to mention the mutant turkeys,
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the abandoned White House
orbiting our planet,
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the Eco-conscious dinosaurs.
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Then he sees Virginia,
with its perfect economy
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and synchronized lawn-mowing,
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so he shoots them and
puts them in a dome?
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- Classic Curtis.
- Will someone mute the goddamn news?
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If I want a list of my failures,
I'd dig up my mother.
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I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.
That's a turn-off, right?
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Guy screaming about his
mother in a war room?
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Sanchez, America hates your dome.
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- How long is it going to be up?
- Hope you marked that.
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It was his dome in the
chopper. Now it's mine.
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It will contain that part of
Unity until I shut it down,
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because one of us here knows
how to set boundaries.
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Rick, I agree that my accepting
this mission was inappropriate.
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When I was invited, I didn't know...
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That he was hitting on you?
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I was aware of potential
romantic motivations.
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- And I was open to them.
- Bam!
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But I did not know you and
I would be crossing paths.
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00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:49,220
You mean you didn't care,
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because on one hand,
you got professional ethics
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and in the other hand, you
got world-famous schlong?
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- Now I get to beat you.
- Bring it.
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Alien vessel approaching Earth.
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- It's hailing us.
- Put it through.
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- I don't work for you.
- You couldn't. You suck.
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I'll do it.
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00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:03,228
Mr. President.
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Lady, you bring that ship
to America's planet,
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I'm launching 4,000 warheads,
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3,000 of which will turn out to work.
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00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,740
Then I'll call China,
and you're really fucked.
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Let's listen to Unity.
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- Are you still here?
- Are you?
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If I wanted Earth,
I would have taken it.
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00:10:16,660 --> 00:10:17,669
- Oh, bullshit.
- Give me a break.
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00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,750
You cut eight million pieces of me off.
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- It hurt.
- Boo-hoo.
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You've made it clear we
can't be friends, Rick,
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but I need to reconnect those people
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so I can properly release them.
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They're hosting a mindless collective.
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If it connects to another mind,
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it could become its own colony.
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Wow. You made a PowerPoint?
252
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:34,880
I needed you to understand
253
00:10:34,890 --> 00:10:36,760
- how serious this is.
- I can handle it.
254
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:38,120
We got the spray, bitch.
255
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,600
Don't talk to them like that.
256
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:41,570
Rick, do you not trust Unity?
257
00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:42,960
- Shut up.
- Apologize.
258
00:10:42,970 --> 00:10:44,980
- Eat me.
- Do you not trust me, Rick?
259
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:46,980
- Who would?
- Let Rick answer.
260
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,449
Baby, I know you want to help, but...
261
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,849
Andre, I think we need to move slower.
262
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:52,410
Slower? I haven't even touched you,
263
00:10:52,420 --> 00:10:53,779
and you're already
back-seat war-rooming.
264
00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:54,860
- Andre?
- Helen.
265
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,480
- Rick?
- I don't trust you.
266
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:58,410
You ghosted me to focus on your work.
267
00:10:58,420 --> 00:11:00,280
Your work is absorbing the universe.
268
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,500
But it's my universe. Please go.
269
00:11:02,510 --> 00:11:04,790
We'll spray the Virginians
before they touch anyone.
270
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,870
I'm sorry you lost a finger,
but that's the price
271
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:08,340
of surprise butt play.
272
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,060
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
273
00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:12,464
Alien vessel is departing.
274
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:13,840
Good job, people.
275
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:16,009
I'll run the aerosol cannon
from the chopper.
276
00:11:16,010 --> 00:11:18,240
We need the optics.
Send out a press release.
277
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,800
"President sprays Virginia
with the opposite of bullets."
278
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,340
But write it better than that.
279
00:11:22,350 --> 00:11:24,520
You riding shotgun, or
you staying butt hurt?
280
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:26,980
Suck my dick and lose
my number. You too.
281
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,620
If you invite me to the wedding,
I will shit in the punch.
282
00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:32,960
He'll be back.
283
00:11:32,970 --> 00:11:34,540
What would you like for dinner?
284
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,560
I'm not interested in
taking this further.
285
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,780
What? Why? That's insane!
286
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,980
How can you be a therapist and insane?
287
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,720
Since you're asking for feedback,
288
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,870
my sincere advice
289
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,660
is that you overcome
your need for approval.
290
00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,420
Okay. You want to play it that way?
291
00:11:48,430 --> 00:11:50,320
There's an exit tunnel
by the ladies' room.
292
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,560
It gets lots of use, and
not just by sex workers.
293
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:57,884
Can you at least tell security
I did the dumping?
294
00:12:01,030 --> 00:12:04,320
- Uh, you okay?
- Yes.
295
00:12:04,330 --> 00:12:06,489
The news said Virginia was a hive-mind.
296
00:12:06,490 --> 00:12:07,560
Yes.
297
00:12:07,580 --> 00:12:08,650
- Was it...
- Yes!
298
00:12:08,670 --> 00:12:10,220
Oh, my God. Dude, whatever.
299
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,749
When's the last time
you saw your therapist?
300
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:13,460
- Today.
- Well, then, she sucks.
301
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,580
- No shit!
- Stop yelling at me!
302
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,580
- I need boundaries.
- Well, here's a big one, fuck face!
303
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,242
Sorry.
304
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,840
Arriving at the dome, sir.
305
00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:30,440
Good. I don't need anybody.
306
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,450
- What?
- What? I said good.
307
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,280
- Tell me when we're there.
- We are.
308
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,965
Roger that. Just gonna
see how we're looking.
309
00:12:36,970 --> 00:12:39,460
And there's Helicopter One
with the aforementioned gas,
310
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,800
and you can actually see
President Curtis inside,
311
00:12:41,810 --> 00:12:44,760
checking his phone to see if
this will make people like him.
312
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:47,240
There he is frowning now,
of course, as he realizes
313
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:50,110
no amount of spectacle is
going to undo his last debacle.
314
00:12:50,130 --> 00:12:52,040
- Shonda?
- Oh, not Shonda.
315
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,760
- She hates me.
- It's true, Tom.
316
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:56,720
I mean, yes, President Curtis
is going to release Virginia
317
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:58,778
from yet another alien threat,
318
00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,970
but when they are free
to speak their minds,
319
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:03,710
does he really think they're going
to say, "Wow. What a president"?
320
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,201
Deactivating dome, sir.
321
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:08,639
The fact is, nothing short of
literally a 100% approval rating
322
00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,640
is gonna save Curtis
in the next election.
323
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:14,150
Let her rip, sir.
324
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,820
100% approval?
325
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:20,940
Whoopsie. I-I-I'll be right back.
326
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,760
- Sir?
- I just gotta get the thing.
327
00:13:22,770 --> 00:13:25,013
Wha'? Huh? How is that going to work?
328
00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,560
Give it to me. Give me that hive!
329
00:13:34,010 --> 00:13:36,280
Mother, forgive me.
Just forgive me. I need it.
330
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,948
Holy...
331
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,950
... shit!
332
00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:51,060
Loved ones are gathered here
to reunite with the captives,
333
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,140
who appear to walking, quite eagerly,
334
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:55,460
and now running, in perfect
unison, toward them.
335
00:13:55,470 --> 00:13:57,740
Such a beautiful scene...
everyone kissing.
336
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,540
And now everyone that got
kisses is kissing everyone else.
337
00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,650
Heartfelt, almost disgusting kisses.
338
00:14:02,670 --> 00:14:05,200
The wave of affection is
headed in all directions.
339
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,240
Hello, sir.
340
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:09,300
The president has saved us.
He's the best president.
341
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,400
The best man, really, ever.
342
00:14:10,410 --> 00:14:11,725
- His mother was wrong.
- Uh-oh.
343
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:13,812
Did somebody close the lady tunnel?
344
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,490
Hey, Rick, w-w-was Unity...
345
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,390
She's gone, and I don't care.
346
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,032
- I think she's back.
- Hmm?
347
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:28,660
Someone order cranky dick?
348
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,300
- I said I was sorry.
- No, you didn't.
349
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,740
I said it quietly. Shut up.
350
00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,320
Now, Governor, can you explain
why all of Virginia ran
351
00:14:34,340 --> 00:14:36,740
in all directions and puked
on everyone in the country?
352
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,240
It's simple, news man.
353
00:14:38,260 --> 00:14:40,070
They puke in love of the president.
354
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,590
We approve of the president.
Everyone does.
355
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,320
Sorry, Governor,
356
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,140
but you're making me
bring Shonda into this.
357
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:48,370
Thanks, Tom. Governor, I can assure you
358
00:14:48,380 --> 00:14:50,950
that no matter how you
personally may feel...
359
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:53,940
Good president.
360
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,620
President good, good, good.
361
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:57,960
Are you okay? Uh, Josh just
vomited into your mou...
362
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:01,340
Oh. Ha. I get it now.
363
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:02,800
Wow! What a president.
364
00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:04,940
- Approval here.
- President approved.
365
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,890
I thought Unity promised
to never do this.
366
00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:07,960
That's not Unity.
367
00:15:07,980 --> 00:15:09,520
You kids stay inside and lock up.
368
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:10,610
Dad's still out shopping.
369
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:12,879
Then stay inside, lock up,
and plug your ears.
370
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,380
- Where are you going?
- Therapy.
371
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,360
Thank God.
372
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,420
Huh?
373
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:27,490
Aah!
374
00:15:30,550 --> 00:15:31,580
Aah!
375
00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:35,860
You're rehired.
376
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,900
- Is that Unity?
- It's your boyfriend.
377
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,840
He must have linked with
the severed hive-mind.
378
00:15:40,860 --> 00:15:43,340
He's going to assimilate the
Earth faster than I can fight it.
379
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,710
And you want me to talk to him?
380
00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:45,780
There's no talking to him.
381
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,460
No human mind can keep itself together
382
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,080
while controlling millions of people.
383
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,380
- So, where are we going?
- I need Unity's help.
384
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,560
So, you need to convince
her I'm worth it.
385
00:15:53,580 --> 00:15:55,180
- You aren't.
- So, lie.
386
00:15:58,460 --> 00:16:00,043
Inbound vessel detected.
387
00:16:00,050 --> 00:16:02,620
- Tell him to turn around.
- Tell me in person.
388
00:16:02,630 --> 00:16:04,070
- I'm already here.
- God damn it.
389
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,380
But your ship was just...
390
00:16:05,390 --> 00:16:06,499
You have your gimmicks, I have mine.
391
00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,460
This is my therapist.
She can vouch for me.
392
00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:11,304
We met. She was me for a second.
What do you want, Rick?
393
00:16:11,310 --> 00:16:12,930
Look. It's clear you weren't lying
394
00:16:12,940 --> 00:16:14,559
when you said you could've
taken over Earth
395
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,640
because your finger
just took over America.
396
00:16:16,660 --> 00:16:18,269
I need you to help me fix that.
397
00:16:18,270 --> 00:16:20,313
Oh. It took that to make you believe me?
398
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:21,360
Why should I believe you?
399
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,566
You show up unannounced
and hijack a state.
400
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:26,400
I called you! Multiple times.
401
00:16:26,420 --> 00:16:28,029
You ghosted me.
402
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:30,100
- Rick, is that true?
- She dumped me.
403
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,400
Why would I answer her calls?
404
00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:33,320
All right. I'm going to
commit a cardinal sin
405
00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:34,560
in couples' therapy here.
406
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,900
But Rick, I think you're wrong.
407
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,456
Bringing you was a mistake.
408
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:41,360
You had an outer-space lady
who was worried for your life,
409
00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:44,671
and your response was hostile
enough to cause a huge problem.
410
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:45,680
Thank you.
411
00:16:45,690 --> 00:16:49,120
Now you're asking her to both
forgive you and solve it?
412
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:51,530
Unity, I think the reason
Rick brought me here
413
00:16:51,540 --> 00:16:55,000
is that he doesn't know how to
indicate to you he's changed,
414
00:16:55,020 --> 00:16:57,440
because he's changing very slowly.
415
00:16:57,450 --> 00:16:58,920
But he is.
416
00:16:59,820 --> 00:17:01,840
All right. Anyone else
wanna call me a baby?
417
00:17:01,860 --> 00:17:04,840
Maybe we can drag this out until
Earth is fully assimilated?
418
00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:06,760
All right.
419
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,820
So, you're asking for an invasion?
420
00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:48,220
Hold them back. They love me.
They just forgot.
421
00:17:48,230 --> 00:17:50,612
They just forgot. They just forgot.
422
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,600
No! Stop. You love me.
423
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,520
What? Why are you stopping?
424
00:17:58,540 --> 00:17:59,704
I've won you over?
425
00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:04,840
Oh, good. You're here.
426
00:18:04,860 --> 00:18:07,020
Unity, kept them warm for you.
427
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:08,780
They went a little crazy, but, uh...
428
00:18:08,790 --> 00:18:11,160
Anyway, seems like this is all over.
429
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:12,800
Helen, we could grab some coffee.
430
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:14,660
Wait. Unity, what are you doing?
431
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,120
All right, Rick. That's everyone.
432
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:19,720
Nice job, Une.
433
00:18:19,730 --> 00:18:22,720
Well, this has been quite a session.
434
00:18:22,740 --> 00:18:24,580
Hope you do group discounts.
435
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:27,350
Actually, just send the
bill to the White House.
436
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,840
I wouldn't be doing this
for anyone else, Rick.
437
00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,820
Yeah. It was nice to team up again.
438
00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:35,370
No. I mean I wouldn't be doing it.
439
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:38,280
I've never released hundreds
of millions of people before.
440
00:18:38,300 --> 00:18:39,660
This is gonna suck.
441
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:11,640
_
442
00:19:17,420 --> 00:19:20,410
Here. It's over. Nice job, Une.
443
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:23,280
- I'm fine.
- You want a painkiller?
444
00:19:23,290 --> 00:19:26,150
I, uh, I'm on a few of them right now.
445
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,420
No, thank you.
446
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:29,920
I mean, you could hang out if you want,
447
00:19:29,930 --> 00:19:31,540
come see the kids.
448
00:19:32,530 --> 00:19:34,280
I trust you now.
449
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:36,660
That's nice, but I don't trust you.
450
00:19:37,870 --> 00:19:39,120
Fair enough.
451
00:19:59,060 --> 00:20:01,100
Hey, Rick, it's Unity.
452
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,650
Uh, give me a call, okay?
453
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,190
Hey, Rick. Unity.
454
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,620
Look. Cards on the table.
455
00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:08,720
I heard you were going
after that guy again.
456
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:11,160
Just made me worried. Give me a call.
457
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:14,060
Look. I get it. I dumped you.
You're ignoring me.
458
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,250
But I care about you,
459
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,700
and I just wanna know you're all right.
460
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,600
Hey, Rick, listen. I'm just
gonna stop by Virginia, okay?
461
00:20:21,610 --> 00:20:23,220
I don't know what state you live in,
462
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,700
but I'll camp out there
and try to reach you.
463
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:26,840
Hope you're okay.
464
00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:29,040
Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here.
465
00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:30,759
Heard you were saying
some really great things
466
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,050
about Scientology.
467
00:20:32,060 --> 00:20:33,349
If you ever wanna meet Travolta...
468
00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:34,350
End playback!
469
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:41,620
You, uh, really went all
in on that approval, huh?
470
00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,600
Yeah.
471
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,730
Shonda's gonna eat me alive.
472
00:20:46,740 --> 00:20:48,122
Ah, fuck 'em.
473
00:20:48,130 --> 00:20:49,440
Thanks, Rick.
474
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,800
Don't take this the wrong way,
475
00:20:52,820 --> 00:20:56,720
but, uh, I think I might need therapy.
476
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:02,261
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.MY-SUBS.com --
477
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,480
And we're back with Mr. Stabby.
478
00:21:36,490 --> 00:21:39,215
What do you say to people who say,
"I don't want to get stabbed.
479
00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:40,660
I want to go a show.
480
00:21:40,670 --> 00:21:43,052
I have a right to not get stabbed"?
481
00:21:43,060 --> 00:21:45,340
Well, Gary, I have a
right to arms and legs.
482
00:21:45,350 --> 00:21:46,880
But I wasn't born with those.
483
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:49,030
And I don't think that means
I should be boxed out
484
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:50,920
of an industry where, let's face it,
485
00:21:50,930 --> 00:21:53,260
there's zero representation of people
486
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,890
with swords for arms and legs.
487
00:21:54,900 --> 00:21:57,525
But do you have to take
questions from the audience?
488
00:21:57,530 --> 00:22:00,260
People come to my show because
they want the experience.
489
00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,160
If they didn't want it,
they'd stop coming.
490
00:22:02,180 --> 00:22:06,440
Your show has resulted in the
deaths of 58,000 attendees.
491
00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:10,370
Well, you're talking about it.